Ok, I’ll be honest with you – I did not feel like writing today. I had surgery on Friday for a repair of my colon that had been an ongoing issue, but got much worse during my pregnancy. That makes my fourth surgical procedure in the past four months, and my sixth over the past four years. I’m tired and cranky and in some serious pain today and feeling like it will never end. My body is tired of hurting and I’m tired of pain and feeling weak. I remember each time I go through this that I much prefer to be the one taking care of others than allowing myself to be taken care of. But my devotions today were about how we are all members of one body, and that each member has to be connected to another in order to function. The ear can’t hear when it’s laying on the ground, it has to be connected to the body to work! And then I got to thinking — I am stubborn and prideful and not very good at accepting help from others. I see it as personal weakness when I can’t take care of myself, my home, and now, my daughter. I hate asking for help and take too much pride in being self reliant. But what God spoke into my heart today was that by being resistant to offers of help, mainly from my loving family, I am not allowing them to use their gifts and to minister as God has gifted them and to fulfill their purpose within the body.
I prayed so many times that God would heal me supernaturally like the woman of faith who was healed in Matthew chapter 9, verse 20 – just by touching the hem of Jesus’ robe she was healed of her long term illness. If He could heal just through fabric, He could heal me! I cried out in pain so many times, begging to be spared what I knew would be a painful operation. But as so many times happens, God got my attention through physical weakness. When I am forced to rely on His strength to get through the day, I have a new level of spiritual and personal growth that wouldn’t be possible if I was physically well and able to take care of myself. He is taking away my stubbornness and pride in allowing me to go through these times when I must rely on others…I’m not doing it gracefully by any means, but I’m learning. I fear being a burden, and being perceived as needy. But when help is offered in love, I shouldn’t feel this way. We are all parts of the body and we cannot stand alone. I had the surgery and I am healing….I didn’t have supernatural miraculous healing because I suppose God knew that my spirit needed more attention than my body did.
I was also reminded just how blessed I am. I was able to have surgery under anesthesia to fix the problem while I was blessedly asleep. I had doctors and nurses to care for me, and medicine readily available. I have a loving and wonderful family to care for me and help with my daughter when I am not able to care for her. I have medical insurance to help with the bills. The things that I take for granted could be the difference between life and death for someone somewhere else in the world, and I am extremely blessed.
I didn’t feel like writing today, but I’m glad I did because it reminded me of my blessings and to keep on believing and keep on leaning on God and others in the Family. That’s how God designed it to work, and we know He is never wrong.