For Evelyn

Precious girl,
From the very first moment I knew you were on your way, you changed me in a way no one else could – when we heard the first beats of your little heart, you completely melted mine! You were the answer to so many prayers and are a true gift from God! There are so many things I want to say to you, but I know you will look up at me with your big brown eyes and just smile no matter what I say, so I will write this letter for you instead.

Having you has changed what is important to me, and has made me realize the kind of woman I want to be – you challenge me to be my best in every moment, because I know before long, you will be learning from watching me, and I don’t want to steer you wrong. God has blessed me with the gift of being your mother, and I want to bring Him glory by being the best example I can be, with His help. I pray that by watching me, you only learn my good qualities, and not my bad. Always remember to be kind, to think before you speak, and to do everything in love. Be kind and generous to those who can do nothing for you, and you will never regret it. Be a lady and mind your manners – people always appreciate manners, no matter what society says. Live by faith, pray often and be present in each moment that you are given. Make memories with those in your life and remember to celebrate special moments.

One thing that I love that right now is that when you are this little, my arms mean safety to you. When you are upset, or scared, I can calm you just by holding you close and talking to you- I hope you know that will always be the case, and that my arms are forever open to you, no matter how old you are or what you need. I know that life will bring scary situations for you, and even when you are grown you will have times that you just need a hug for reassurance, and I pray that I always am a place of safety for you in this life and that I can provide the comfort that you need, outside of the comfort from God that you should seek first.

Seeing the world new through your precious eyes has brought me fresh joy in every little thing. Right now, you are so in love with seeing the cats, being outside in the fresh air, and experimenting with making funny faces! It’s so refreshing to me to see things in a new light, and to be always thinking of what this world must look like to you, and what new thing I can’t wait to introduce you to! This is an adventure with you, and I’m so glad I get to relive a little innocent childhood joy with you. I’m reminded to put down my to-do list and whatever else may be taking my attention and to truly experience life as it unfolds moment by moment with you because I dont want to miss it!

When I am having a hard day, or even a hard moment, your sweet innocent face and happy smile recharge me and get me going again. I love that you smile when you see me and your Daddy, and even just seeing your smile over the side of your crib first thing in the morning makes me so happy! When I’m playing with you, or watching your dad play with you, hearing your giggles is the happiest sound in the world, and I’m so thankful for it. Those precious moments are worth every sleepless night and moment of fear, frustration and anxiety that I have had on this long journey.

Being home and seeing my family around me gives me hope in the future because each part that I see was an answered prayer. First, I prayed for a godly man to share my life with, and God brought me your Daddy. Then we prayed and prayed for a special little miracle to fill our arms and our lives, and we welcomed you this year with full hearts. We prayed for a home of our own to fill with love and memories, and have been blessed with that also– come what may, our Father is good and hears our prayers! He always has our best interests at heart and WILL provide – I want to be sure you know that when you grow up; it will change your life.

There are so many moments of joy, but being your mother also has me experiencing real fear for the first time. At night, after I lay you down in your crib to sleep, I watch you sleeping without a care or a worry, and I pray for you against evil and against any harm – my heart panics when I think how much I can’t protect you from, but I am at peace just knowing that angels surround you and God has had you in His hands since forever. I want to protect you from any danger or pain in this life, but I can’t always do that. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and free from pain, but as you grow and experience life, I can only pray that each trial brings you closer to God and that you rely fully on Him to steer you through rough waters…and that I have the faith to rely only on God for your ultimate safety and care.

Watching you grow and experience new things is bittersweet – your independence makes me proud and scares me all at the same time, because I know there will come a day where you don’t need me. I know that is the purpose of parenting and I want you to be a strong and independent woman, but I am not looking forward to the day where you walk away from me and don’t need me anymore. I pray that I can have the strength to freely let you go to live your life, and pray that we have a strong bond to let us share in each other’s lives even after you are a grown woman.

As you are growing and becoming way too smart, we are starting to learn how to discipline you and teach you how you should behave. I know there will be so many times that what we say or do doesn’t make sense to you, but just know that we do it all in love. By giving you rules and discipline, we pray that you will learn to submit to your heavenly Father and His correction and spare yourself the heartache of a wrong path. My greatest prayer is that you will know Him and His commands intimately and live to serve Him.

Lastly, I pray for you to know your worth as our precious gift from God and as His daughter so that you won’t be persuaded that you are not worth it or not good enough. I want to teach you things that matter and how to be a lady with self respect. I want to teach you how to be grateful for everything that we have been blessed with and that material things won’t make you happy. I want to teach you to appreciate the beauty of simple things and the peace of moments of solitude. When you can approach this life with a joyful and grateful heart, each day will be a blessing.

I am writing this letter down so that whatever mistakes I make as your mother, you know my heart and how I only wanted the best for you. I can already see so many of my weaknesses come to light in being a mother, and I pray that God will help me in those areas. No matter what, my sweet girl, I hope and pray that you know just how very much you are loved.

Xoxo
Mommy

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