Hey friends! Sorry its been a bit since my last post – we all came down with one of those winter germs that moves through the house in waves – I think we are finally on the way out of it, but you would not have wanted to read anything I wrote up until now!! Think feverish zombie ramblings….
So, anyway, as Christmas is creeping closer and the year is winding down, I always start to think back over the past year. As I started my mental review, it hit me that it was about this time a year ago that I felt God calling me to relaunch the blog and start fresh for 2019. I felt at the time like He was going to use what He asked me to write to bless others, but what I didn’t know was that He actually wanted to bless me through this process. Through diving deeper into His word, spending more dedicated time in pursuing a relationship with Him and truly opening all the parts of my heart to Him for the first time ever, He has changed me, kept working on me and shown me things that I never would have understood or experienced had we not gone on this journey together. I’ve been able to process thoughts and emotions that I didn’t even know I had and learn new things that have changed my heart and my perspective and allowed me to grow in ways that I never thought I even needed. It was like I had been claiming His name my whole life, but keeping Him at arms’ length and still trying to do it all myself, and suddenly just got wrapped up in a big bear hug and have my father God carrying me through, doing it all for me and saying “See, isn’t this better?”– so amazing!
My “numbers” are not high. I’m not sure I’m even in the realm of what you would call a “real blogger” or anything official by measurable standards. But, if anything, over the past year, I’ve learned that God cares more about the heart and about small acts of faithfulness than about the world’s measurements of success. From stepping out and following the call on my heart to write on this small platform to following a similar call to start a small Bible study group for moms in my community at the same time, I have felt closer to God, more challenged, more aware of my weaknesses and more dependent on Him than I ever have before. I’m thankful for that, and I pray He sees my heart in all of the things He has asked me to do.
For both things I was reluctant to step out and start because I didn’t feel qualified, and I didn’t feel like I had anything to say or to offer. Well, its still true – nothing has changed in a year! I’m not qualified; I don’t have anything to say, but God does. He has been speaking through me – quite literally. I don’t say that to puff myself up, but to be real. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down at this keyboard with a blank page and had absolutely nothing to say. In stepping away, spending time in prayer, worship and study, and quite simply asking for the words, I usually am filled to bursting with words that pour from my fingers as I type – sometimes even speaking them into my phone while running after the kids, or doing the grocery shopping, or coming out of the shower because that’s when His spirit spoke to my mind and heart. So quite literally, the things I write are from God and not from myself at all – it has been such a wonderful experience to feel that closeness with Him, and to be able to share the things He is teaching me.
For it is not you who will be speaking—it will be the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.Matthew 10:20
Taking the step of faith in putting myself out there has given me a boldness to speak of things I never have before, with people I never would have spoken of them with before. I needed to put myself aside and use His strength in so many areas of my life, and I feel like that realization began with relaunching the blog a year ago. I feel now that once you open up a door to a close relationship with God, you can’t stay the same! It’s impossible! It’s like a floodgate opens and He can’t wait to show you more about who He is and who you are to Him. In turn, you can’t wait to share what He’s doing in your life, and how others can have supernatural peace and faith and joy. It’s a crazy beautiful cycle!
So, a year out. Thank you, God, for asking me to dive in, even when it was a bit uncomfortable. Thank you, God, for calling me when I was unqualified. Thank you, God, that I’m not enough. Thank you for the mess and the doubt and the questions because you have shown me every time that you are enough, you are the comfort I need, and you are the answer to every question.
If you’ve been along for the ride for the past year (and more!), thank you so much! Thank you for your feedback, your input, your support – it means the world! If you’re on social media, check out the blog pages there for some other content that doesn’t always make it into a blog post –the links are below. I hope it is an encouragement to you there as well!
Merry Christmas and Happy New year y’all! Grateful for you! It’s been an amazing year – can’t wait to see what 2020 brings 😊 Cheers!!
But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.James 1:25